Anytime man, glad ur ok check in anytime if your struggling. People care for sure I know I do whether I know you or not
Substance abuse
- Thread starter Canadiandodo1
- Start date
I feel training and using steriods can give you that outlet and that fulfillment and conviction to keep you away from other addictions... as the gym and working out in essence can become an addiction... a much healthier one.. even if using steriods.... people usually resort to drugs or alcohol to fill a void or give an outlet to personal issues.... working out can become a lifestyle and keep people from falling down other dark paths....
Just my experience at least
Just my experience at least
100% agreed.
These are very sage words.
I did a lot of drinking and have tried just about every rec drug out there. About 10-15 years ago after getting divorced I got more serious about the gym and pretty much stopped drinking. My Sunday morning workout is something I look forward to all week and think about. Very true about replacing a destructive habit for a positive one.
Kind of the opposite for me. Trained martial arts for my entire life, got a brain injury, and jumped on the sauce, and pills to stop the anxiety. I can beat anything, this opponent is just the toughest one I’ve ever faced.
Recreational non-steroidal Drug use very commonly cause you to lose your natural production of testosterone and it's by products. I lost mine in my twenties from a few years of using opiates and five years of hard drinking. So test replacement definitely can help that.
People should also be checking their thyroid beyond TSH which you have to ask for a speciality test for. If your TSH is fine but your t3 behind the scenes is fucked you'll still get unreal depression.
Also a lot of people who struggle with impulse control and emotional stability literally just have ADHD/ADD. That's often a bigger issue than the focus for them.
People should also be checking their thyroid beyond TSH which you have to ask for a speciality test for. If your TSH is fine but your t3 behind the scenes is fucked you'll still get unreal depression.
Also a lot of people who struggle with impulse control and emotional stability literally just have ADHD/ADD. That's often a bigger issue than the focus for them.
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Yea my temper with adhd used to be pretty significant.
Speaking of old habits and such in general terms...totally OK. The line is a little fuzzy though and one should also keep away from discussions where they may represent an ability to access said recs.
Speaking to usage and procurement or seeking procurement....bad news bears.
Harder line approaches on discussion are usually implemented on this topic because where and when recs get mentioned, discussions tend to gravitate to things/details that shouldn't be discussed.
Those threads get to be difficult, if not impossible to monitor and ultimately almost always go completely sideways. Hence sometimes tge quick shutdown of the topic.
Well in regards to bodybuilding being a coping mechanism, it was for me, although not a issue with substance abuse I had depression. In hindsight, it was more so a bad environment, perhaps the mind is too immature at a young age to make great decisions. I gave up on life at the time, and for me steroids was my way to dance with death, I think a lot of people thought I was a bit weird online, I was young using quite heavy cycles, the reason actually was because I was looking for a way out of life.
It probably wasn't the best idea in hindsight, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have been so depressed, but such is life.
It probably wasn't the best idea in hindsight, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have been so depressed, but such is life.
That hindsight perspective is a perfect way of looking at it. No matter what's ever happened to a person he could literally wake up the next day and feel completely different. That's probably part of the reason a.a does the one day at a time thing
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow. With its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.
This just leaves only one day . . . Today. Any person can face the challenges of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity’s — yesterday and tomorrow — that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us therefore live but one day at a time.
Good little saying for sure
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow. With its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.
This just leaves only one day . . . Today. Any person can face the challenges of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity’s — yesterday and tomorrow — that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us therefore live but one day at a time.
Good little saying for sure
Well said, I can relate to this a lot. I wouldn’t say I went in to it as a suicide mission though. Perhaps passively. I was just very depressed and pessimistic. The gym and steroids gave me plenty of joy, until I realized it wasn’t the end all be all to my happiness.
I may have mentioned this before here, but I started weightlifting full time once I dropped the booze and smokes after 35 years. That was in Feb 2022. I was good for a 26'er of vodka per day with a 6 pack to wash it down on the weekends and just a mickey and a 6 pack per day on week days. . It was a brutal habit.
Funny now, I worry about the effect anavar might have on my liver after seeing what my liver enzymes were at after a low 40mg per day 8 week cycle of that. But, what do you suppose the ALT would look like after a 3 or 4 week solid tequila bender with plenty of hard drugs to keep me awake and lively with all that booze? Funny I never worried about that kind of thing, in fact it never even crossed my mind to check.
Now, ironically, I am super healthy because of the PEDs I take now. I eat clean, I avoid saturated fat, I obviously exercise and do cardio, but I figure if I'm going to do these drugs, I'd better be in damn good shape. I obsess over lipids, and blood pressure, I donate blood every 3 months or so, and I take supplements that mitigate all manner of things. And I get my blood testing done probably an average of 3 times per year. To make sure I'm healthy enough to do the current drugs, which are not very much, really. Currently on 250/250 test/primo and dropping to trt only for my cut in 8 weeks or so, in order to "clean up" before I do a blast in the winter.
I worry about the damage I might have done before, and now I keep myself as healthy as possible so I can do more drugs if needed or desired. I have not developed a "need" to do more AAS though, I tend to keep it mild. . Amazingly, my liver, lungs and heart are all in excellent shape, despite the depth of past abuse.
It's a bit of a odd situation. It's certainly lacking in the self-destruction department of the last habits, but....it still seems weird.
Funny now, I worry about the effect anavar might have on my liver after seeing what my liver enzymes were at after a low 40mg per day 8 week cycle of that. But, what do you suppose the ALT would look like after a 3 or 4 week solid tequila bender with plenty of hard drugs to keep me awake and lively with all that booze? Funny I never worried about that kind of thing, in fact it never even crossed my mind to check.
Now, ironically, I am super healthy because of the PEDs I take now. I eat clean, I avoid saturated fat, I obviously exercise and do cardio, but I figure if I'm going to do these drugs, I'd better be in damn good shape. I obsess over lipids, and blood pressure, I donate blood every 3 months or so, and I take supplements that mitigate all manner of things. And I get my blood testing done probably an average of 3 times per year. To make sure I'm healthy enough to do the current drugs, which are not very much, really. Currently on 250/250 test/primo and dropping to trt only for my cut in 8 weeks or so, in order to "clean up" before I do a blast in the winter.
I worry about the damage I might have done before, and now I keep myself as healthy as possible so I can do more drugs if needed or desired. I have not developed a "need" to do more AAS though, I tend to keep it mild. . Amazingly, my liver, lungs and heart are all in excellent shape, despite the depth of past abuse.
It's a bit of a odd situation. It's certainly lacking in the self-destruction department of the last habits, but....it still seems weird.
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IV cocaine user at 14 in 1974. Clean and sober 1990-2001 relapsed on IV cocaine after a serious family tragedy. I struggled from 01-06. On June 5 I will be 18 years clean and sober. On July 20 it will be 34 years alcohol free. One Day at a time.
If you want more info PM me.
If you want more info PM me.
I don't think I had a drug or alcohol issue ever...
I felt good about myself until high school.. Then I went from a happy "kid" in a tiny little school K to gr 9, to the big high school of 1000 plus kids aged 14-21... Then I just lost all my confidence.. I didn't care what I looked like or even noticed until I went to high school and then my "kid" outlook switched to teenage outlook, low confidence etc.. I was chubby in gr 9 and then got chubbier by gr 10.. I saw the society basically valued and cared about good looking people as only good looking kids at school/fit kids seemed to be "cool".. So I decided to loose weight.. I dropped lots of fat but I still wanted to make my body better.. I saw weight lifting as the next step to get fitter.. then I opened up a body building magazine at the gym front desk while I was waiting.... I saw what I wanted to look like in the magazine.. And it went from there.
Looking back, I truly had some sort of body dysmorphia or body issues..
By the end of high school I could bench 335lbs for 9 reps, but still felt I was too small/weak etc.
All through my youth/20's, I never saw my body was good enough to even take my shirt off much, yet in reality my body was better than 99.99% of people on earth's.. But I never felt like it was good enough..
I did have a stint of smoking pot and then drinking in university.. Thank god I started to see it was affecting my progress with my body.. so I stopped it and refocused on my body..
Right now I'm mid 40's and I can't even look at a peice of bread without getting fat lol.. I am leaner than I was when I was younger, but much much smaller and weaker.. and now I have finally learned that I need to be happy with my body I got.. I can continue to improve my body/health/fat /muscle mass, but I need to be happy with where I'm at and enjoy it. Point is, I had a physique guys would die to have, but I never was happy with it so I never actually enjoyed it and enjoyed all the hard work and dedication I put into it to get it the way it was.
I felt good about myself until high school.. Then I went from a happy "kid" in a tiny little school K to gr 9, to the big high school of 1000 plus kids aged 14-21... Then I just lost all my confidence.. I didn't care what I looked like or even noticed until I went to high school and then my "kid" outlook switched to teenage outlook, low confidence etc.. I was chubby in gr 9 and then got chubbier by gr 10.. I saw the society basically valued and cared about good looking people as only good looking kids at school/fit kids seemed to be "cool".. So I decided to loose weight.. I dropped lots of fat but I still wanted to make my body better.. I saw weight lifting as the next step to get fitter.. then I opened up a body building magazine at the gym front desk while I was waiting.... I saw what I wanted to look like in the magazine.. And it went from there.
Looking back, I truly had some sort of body dysmorphia or body issues..
By the end of high school I could bench 335lbs for 9 reps, but still felt I was too small/weak etc.
All through my youth/20's, I never saw my body was good enough to even take my shirt off much, yet in reality my body was better than 99.99% of people on earth's.. But I never felt like it was good enough..
I did have a stint of smoking pot and then drinking in university.. Thank god I started to see it was affecting my progress with my body.. so I stopped it and refocused on my body..
Right now I'm mid 40's and I can't even look at a peice of bread without getting fat lol.. I am leaner than I was when I was younger, but much much smaller and weaker.. and now I have finally learned that I need to be happy with my body I got.. I can continue to improve my body/health/fat /muscle mass, but I need to be happy with where I'm at and enjoy it. Point is, I had a physique guys would die to have, but I never was happy with it so I never actually enjoyed it and enjoyed all the hard work and dedication I put into it to get it the way it was.
I hit the gym not to escape just the addiction to drugs but also delinquent behaviour... If I'm sore and feel like I'm walking through water I'll wanna watch a movie and eat, not engage in, well not to incriminate myself I'll stick to 'delinquent behaviour'.... Everytime I take a break from the gym I end up in police custody, idk why I just wanna do something and in a way it's all I know...
I was pretty much born to be an addict when I look through my upbringing. I was definitely high risk. I grew up in trap houses from 2-13years old. My dad left at 2 cause he couldn't take it, my mom was a crack/heroin addict (deceased/beaten to death), my brother was a meth/heroin addict (deceased/overdosed), my sister was a meth head (got clean has 3 kids and a big house).... I was sleeping in banks regularly since 6th grade to escape the rain after my mom would move and leave me behind, the neglect was next level shit. I've argued with her about my name, even my sex, she thought I snuck out one day and got a sex change when I was a kid
.... I moved probably 3-5x a year either cause my mom had a hit on her head and needed to skip town, she overdosed and I was put in foster care (back then people didn't carry narcan so when someone overdosed u called 911 and they would call social services), or I would be moving back home cause my mom would get me to piss in bottles so she could pass drug tests.
My first foster home, i learned sex as a weapon very young so I fucked around and tried to fuck around with lots of adult women when I was a kid and ever since.
My second foster care was in a trailer park and I feel like that's where I really developed my personality cause I'm def trailer park ghetto (with a high education... Paradox, I know) his wife cheated on him so he threw us all in a walk in closet (my bedroom) emptied the gas from his truck and lit the house on fire... Fire crew rescued us. My foster brother was also my best friend till about 18, he's also deceased, suicide.
My mom's longest term bf was an alcoholic and he would drive drunk, without a license, with me in the car and we got into a few accidents over the years, he was a I get drunk and drive cause it's fun kinda guy.
In the summer going into grade 6 my mom gave me a bag of weed and said it's worth 40 bucks then to go sell it so I could feed myself (from there I sold various drugs to take care of my self, till about 28)... I kept getting arrested when I was younger, robbed my first grow up at 13, and another just a few months later, I chopped their back door down with their own axe, then I was running down the street( mid-day, school hours) with a black garbage bag full and a garbage can lid piled high with weed, giggling my ass off.
I lived with my mom at the time but she took off and moved to three towns over, about 50+km away, she told me she would pick me up the next day at the Mc Donald's at noon, waited there for two weeks, sleeping in a monumental army tank at night till I realised she wasn't coming. So I decided since I know what town she moved to I just walk there, took three days, had a few strangers give me a bit of a ride too. Walked up and down the streets till I seen her car. The stupid thing is a greyhound for someone 13 or under was only $3.85 but I was too embarrassed to let anyone I knew know if my situation so I didn't ask to borrow less than 4$ lol, even though thinking back, they probably were already aware... We lived there for about 2 months till she had to skip town again, so I dropped out, I was in grade 7, so I obviously failed cause I dropped out... My mom overdosed, and when she came to she took off, she drove me over 300km's away from anyone I knew, rented a hotel a day at a time for us to live in and left me there and went back to the area we once lived in.... That was when I had to go to the adult homeless shelter cause the kids shelter was full then after an altercation with a guy who was like 40 at the shelter, then social services got me and that's when I went and stayed in foster care till I moved on my own at 17...
I kept up with the delinquent behaviour and dealing, almost spent 2 years in juvi when I was 15, kept hanging out with other like minded delinquents, but i kept getting arrested, one time was for what was supposed to be a scare tactic, you know a false arrest by police sent by a parent/guardian to send you to a cell and see what a cell looks like. However, it would just turn out I had pockets full of drugs, so I would be put in handcuffs for literally no reason, then when they searched my pockets to bring me down to the block they would be wtf is this? Ooo 100 tabs of ecstacy, what about this pocket, o more 100 tab bags of ecstacy, my social worker was the one often calling them.. so she made a deal with me she would let me do whatever I wanted and would stop harrassing me as long as I went to school, so went and instantly I started dating my TA and I went from grade 9(they skipped me up from a grade 6 education straight to 9) to graduating in under a year and a half and even though I didn't go to school for three years graduated a year early... Went to university, paid for by drugs and construction, I had a professor who was talking about addiction and he said cigarettes are the MOST addictive substance in the world and I said I been smoking since I was 12 and I stop whenever I want and I never feel like I need one I just smoke cause it's cool AF and he's like "well your one of the lucky 5% of people who can't get addicted to anything" and a light bulb shot up in my head.... At that time I sold oxycotin/dillies/ and other harder stuff and my gf always kept saying we should do oxy and I always said no but after that moment with the professor I was like okay let's do the math here... (Back then Purdue claimed only 1% of users got addicted) 1 percent of people get addicted I'm part of 5% who don't get addicted to anything, this is legit risk free... Well Perdue and my professor both were liars and idiots, cause the second I did it I fell in love with it.... I got to the point of shooting over 100point of H, then after that fentanyl, a day. Drugs took ahold of me quick, for most of my 20's...Then one day my place got raided and I ran to the basement and hopped out the window, then I became on Canada's top most wanted list, so it was too heaty to deal and I couldnt get a normal job so all that was left was burglary and robbery.... And living off an endless string of women... Then Justin Trudeau became elected and took away mandatory minimum sentences, so once I found out I turned myself in the next day, was still looking at 10-20yrs with all the charges since they were being done separately but 16 different charges got dropped one by one and then I only got probation
.... Got clean, met a girl, fell back into drugs, she died (overdose) so i got clean. Dated another girl for years, she died(car accident)... Started doing drugs again moved in with a different girl, she died while I was sleeping (overdose) she didn't do drugs but she drank and she was drunk one night and decided to break into my stash, I didn't lock it cause I figured "o, she doesn't do drugs".... Always felt responsible for that one.... Got clean the day they pulled the plug on her.... Switched from construction to social work, now I'm a mental health worker and a life coach teaching people to not be me.... I always felt like a functioning addict, but those around me weren't able to do the same and I just got tired of it. Learned I wanted more in life once I stopped too..... Btw Everytime I got clean I went to the gym and every relapse I stopped going to the gym two or so weeks before the relapse... Everytime I got clean I got clean on my own, I just went to bed and laid there for days/weeks, many times just living off of water...
I think for recovery it's more about having something that gets your brain firing up in ways outside of drugs and keeping busy... Some people choose cigarettes with coffee and Na/AA, I chose the gym because it does both... It's pretty straight forward so anyone who really looks into it can get where they wanna go with it, yet it's also intense. So it really is everything compiled into one. It requires time/discipline/physical effort/mentally stimulating/and self esteem growing all in one. I think that's why so many people who succeed in overcoming addiction tend to be the ones who go to and stick to the gym, where as those who don't, need to find a whole bunch of thingS to check those boxes which is just too complicated...
Mine may be a lil overly detailed but I tell this story a lot to teach teens even the fallen get chances so if they were given a shit hand in life, they will be given an opportunity to change that if they keep their nose clean.
I was pretty much born to be an addict when I look through my upbringing. I was definitely high risk. I grew up in trap houses from 2-13years old. My dad left at 2 cause he couldn't take it, my mom was a crack/heroin addict (deceased/beaten to death), my brother was a meth/heroin addict (deceased/overdosed), my sister was a meth head (got clean has 3 kids and a big house).... I was sleeping in banks regularly since 6th grade to escape the rain after my mom would move and leave me behind, the neglect was next level shit. I've argued with her about my name, even my sex, she thought I snuck out one day and got a sex change when I was a kid
.... I moved probably 3-5x a year either cause my mom had a hit on her head and needed to skip town, she overdosed and I was put in foster care (back then people didn't carry narcan so when someone overdosed u called 911 and they would call social services), or I would be moving back home cause my mom would get me to piss in bottles so she could pass drug tests.My first foster home, i learned sex as a weapon very young so I fucked around and tried to fuck around with lots of adult women when I was a kid and ever since.
My second foster care was in a trailer park and I feel like that's where I really developed my personality cause I'm def trailer park ghetto (with a high education... Paradox, I know) his wife cheated on him so he threw us all in a walk in closet (my bedroom) emptied the gas from his truck and lit the house on fire... Fire crew rescued us. My foster brother was also my best friend till about 18, he's also deceased, suicide.
My mom's longest term bf was an alcoholic and he would drive drunk, without a license, with me in the car and we got into a few accidents over the years, he was a I get drunk and drive cause it's fun kinda guy.
In the summer going into grade 6 my mom gave me a bag of weed and said it's worth 40 bucks then to go sell it so I could feed myself (from there I sold various drugs to take care of my self, till about 28)... I kept getting arrested when I was younger, robbed my first grow up at 13, and another just a few months later, I chopped their back door down with their own axe, then I was running down the street( mid-day, school hours) with a black garbage bag full and a garbage can lid piled high with weed, giggling my ass off.
I lived with my mom at the time but she took off and moved to three towns over, about 50+km away, she told me she would pick me up the next day at the Mc Donald's at noon, waited there for two weeks, sleeping in a monumental army tank at night till I realised she wasn't coming. So I decided since I know what town she moved to I just walk there, took three days, had a few strangers give me a bit of a ride too. Walked up and down the streets till I seen her car. The stupid thing is a greyhound for someone 13 or under was only $3.85 but I was too embarrassed to let anyone I knew know if my situation so I didn't ask to borrow less than 4$ lol, even though thinking back, they probably were already aware... We lived there for about 2 months till she had to skip town again, so I dropped out, I was in grade 7, so I obviously failed cause I dropped out... My mom overdosed, and when she came to she took off, she drove me over 300km's away from anyone I knew, rented a hotel a day at a time for us to live in and left me there and went back to the area we once lived in.... That was when I had to go to the adult homeless shelter cause the kids shelter was full then after an altercation with a guy who was like 40 at the shelter, then social services got me and that's when I went and stayed in foster care till I moved on my own at 17...
I kept up with the delinquent behaviour and dealing, almost spent 2 years in juvi when I was 15, kept hanging out with other like minded delinquents, but i kept getting arrested, one time was for what was supposed to be a scare tactic, you know a false arrest by police sent by a parent/guardian to send you to a cell and see what a cell looks like. However, it would just turn out I had pockets full of drugs, so I would be put in handcuffs for literally no reason, then when they searched my pockets to bring me down to the block they would be wtf is this? Ooo 100 tabs of ecstacy, what about this pocket, o more 100 tab bags of ecstacy, my social worker was the one often calling them.. so she made a deal with me she would let me do whatever I wanted and would stop harrassing me as long as I went to school, so went and instantly I started dating my TA and I went from grade 9(they skipped me up from a grade 6 education straight to 9) to graduating in under a year and a half and even though I didn't go to school for three years graduated a year early... Went to university, paid for by drugs and construction, I had a professor who was talking about addiction and he said cigarettes are the MOST addictive substance in the world and I said I been smoking since I was 12 and I stop whenever I want and I never feel like I need one I just smoke cause it's cool AF and he's like "well your one of the lucky 5% of people who can't get addicted to anything" and a light bulb shot up in my head.... At that time I sold oxycotin/dillies/ and other harder stuff and my gf always kept saying we should do oxy and I always said no but after that moment with the professor I was like okay let's do the math here... (Back then Purdue claimed only 1% of users got addicted) 1 percent of people get addicted I'm part of 5% who don't get addicted to anything, this is legit risk free... Well Perdue and my professor both were liars and idiots, cause the second I did it I fell in love with it.... I got to the point of shooting over 100point of H, then after that fentanyl, a day. Drugs took ahold of me quick, for most of my 20's...Then one day my place got raided and I ran to the basement and hopped out the window, then I became on Canada's top most wanted list, so it was too heaty to deal and I couldnt get a normal job so all that was left was burglary and robbery.... And living off an endless string of women... Then Justin Trudeau became elected and took away mandatory minimum sentences, so once I found out I turned myself in the next day, was still looking at 10-20yrs with all the charges since they were being done separately but 16 different charges got dropped one by one and then I only got probation
.... Got clean, met a girl, fell back into drugs, she died (overdose) so i got clean. Dated another girl for years, she died(car accident)... Started doing drugs again moved in with a different girl, she died while I was sleeping (overdose) she didn't do drugs but she drank and she was drunk one night and decided to break into my stash, I didn't lock it cause I figured "o, she doesn't do drugs".... Always felt responsible for that one.... Got clean the day they pulled the plug on her.... Switched from construction to social work, now I'm a mental health worker and a life coach teaching people to not be me.... I always felt like a functioning addict, but those around me weren't able to do the same and I just got tired of it. Learned I wanted more in life once I stopped too..... Btw Everytime I got clean I went to the gym and every relapse I stopped going to the gym two or so weeks before the relapse... Everytime I got clean I got clean on my own, I just went to bed and laid there for days/weeks, many times just living off of water...I think for recovery it's more about having something that gets your brain firing up in ways outside of drugs and keeping busy... Some people choose cigarettes with coffee and Na/AA, I chose the gym because it does both... It's pretty straight forward so anyone who really looks into it can get where they wanna go with it, yet it's also intense. So it really is everything compiled into one. It requires time/discipline/physical effort/mentally stimulating/and self esteem growing all in one. I think that's why so many people who succeed in overcoming addiction tend to be the ones who go to and stick to the gym, where as those who don't, need to find a whole bunch of thingS to check those boxes which is just too complicated...
Mine may be a lil overly detailed but I tell this story a lot to teach teens even the fallen get chances so if they were given a shit hand in life, they will be given an opportunity to change that if they keep their nose clean.
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Have you ever tried mma or boxing or jujitsue? I feel you man I've been through lots of shit too growing up, that plus adhd and I was just a tornado of chaos. I find martial arts to be just as great if not greater then weight lifting. You just have to be disciplined enough to never use it at the wrong time.I hit the gym not to escape just the addiction to drugs but also delinquent behaviour... If I'm sore and feel like I'm walking through water I'll wanna watch a movie and eat, not engage in, well not to incriminate myself I'll stick to 'delinquent behaviour'.... Everytime I take a break from the gym I end up in police custody, idk why I just wanna do something and in a way it's all I know...
I grew up in trap houses from 2-13years old. My dad left at 2 cause he couldn't take it, my mom was a crack/heroin addict (deceased/beaten to death), my brother was a meth/heroin addict (deceased/overdosed).... I was sleeping in banks regularly since 6th grade to escape the rain after my mom would move and leave me behind.... I moved probably 3-5x a year either cause my mom had a hit on her head and needed to skip town, she overdosed and I was put in foster care (back then people didn't carry narcan so when someone overdosed u called 911 and they would call social services), or I would be moving back home cause my mom would get me to piss in bottles so she could pass drug tests.
My first foster mom sexually assaulted me in single digit ages, and I learned sex as a weapon so I fucked around and tried to fuck around with lots of adult women ever since, so I don't think it's sa after the first one cause I was a willing participant even though I was grossly underaged.
My second foster care was in a trailer park and I feel like that's where I really developed my personality cause I'm def trailer park ghetto (with a high education... Paradox, I know) his wife cheated on him so he threw us all in a walk in closet (my bedroom) emptied the gas from his truck and lit the house on fire... Fire crew rescued us. My foster brother was also my best friend till about 18, he's also deceased, suicide.
My mom's longest term bf was an alcoholic and he would drive drunk, without a license, with me in the car and we got into a few accidents over the years, he was a I get drunk and drive cause it's fun kinda guy.
In the summer going into grade 6 my mom gave me a bag of weed and said it's worth 40 bucks then to go sell it so I could feed myself (from there I sold various drugs to take care of my self, till about 28)... I kept getting arrested when I was younger, robbed my first grow up at 13, and another just a few months later, I chopped their back door down with their own axe, then I was running down the street( mid-day, school hours) with a black garbage bag full and a garbage can lid piled high with weed, giggling my ass off.
I lived with my mom at the time but she took off and moved to three towns over, about 50+km away, she told me she would pick me up the next day at the Mc Donald's at noon, waited there for two weeks, sleeping in a monumental army tank at night till I realised she wasn't coming. So I decided since I know what town she moved to I just walk there, took three days, had a few strangers give me a bit of a ride too. Walked up and down the streets till I seen her car. The stupid thing is a greyhound for someone 13 or under was only $3.85 but I was too embarrassed to let anyone I knew know if my situation so I didn't ask to borrow less than 4$ lol, even though thinking back, they probably were already aware... We lived there for about 2 months till she had to skip town again, so I dropped out, I was in grade 7, so I obviously failed cause I dropped out... My mom overdosed, and when she came to she took off, she drove me over 300km's away from anyone I knew, rented a hotel a day at a time for us to live in and left me there and went back to the area we once lived in.... That was when I had to go to the adult homeless shelter cause the kids shelter was full then after an altercation with a guy who was like 40 at the shelter, then social services got me and that's when I went and stayed in foster care till I moved on my own at 17...
I kept up with the delinquent behaviour and dealing, almost spent 2 years in juvi when I was 15, kept hanging out with other like minded delinquents, but i kept getting arrested, one time was for what was supposed to be a scare tactic, you know a false arrest by police sent by a parent/guardian to send you to a cell and see what a cell looks like. However, it would just turn out I had pockets full of drugs, so I would be put in handcuffs for literally no reason, then when they searched my pockets to bring me down to the block they would be wtf is this? Ooo 100 tabs of ecstacy, what about this pocket, o more 100 tab bags of ecstacy, my social worker was the one often calling them.. so she made a deal with me she would let me do whatever I wanted and would stop harrassing me as long as I went to school, so went and instantly I started dating my TA and I went from grade 9(they skipped me up from a grade 6 education straight to 9) to graduating in under a year and a half and even though I didn't go to school for three years graduated a year early... Went to university, paid for by drugs and construction, I had a professor who was talking about addiction and he said cigarettes are the MOST addictive substance in the world and I said I been smoking since I was 12 and I stop whenever I want and I never feel like I need one I just smoke cause it's cool AF and he's like "well your one of the lucky 5% of people who can't get addicted to anything" and a light bulb shot up in my head.... At that time I sold oxycotin/dillies/ and other harder stuff and my gf always kept saying we should do oxy and I always said no but after that moment with the professor I was like okay let's do the math here... (Back then Purdue claimed only 1% of users got addicted) 1 percent of people get addicted I'm part of 5% who don't get addicted to anything, this is legit risk free... Well Perdue and my professor both were liars and idiots, cause the second I did it I fell in love with it.... I got to the point of shooting over 100point of H, then after that fentanyl, a day. Then my place got raided and I ran to the basement and hopped out the window, then I became on Canada's top most wanted list, so it was too heaty to deal and I couldnt get a normal job so all that was left was burglary and robbery.... And living off an endless string of women... Then Justin Trudeau became elected and took away mandatory minimum sentences, so once I found out I turned myself in the next day, was still looking at 10-20yrs with all the charges since they were being done separately but 16 different charges got dropped one by one and then I only got probation
Mine may be a lil overly detailed but I tell this story a lot to teach teens even the fallen get chances so if they were given a shit hand in life, they will be given an opportunity to change that if they keep their nose clean.
I've always wanted to, I've always said once I get to the weight class I'm going to join something. I like the gym but I don't like how it's all knowledge and results, and the results disappear so quick when u stop. But an actual sport like MMA or boxing also requires to learn skills which doesn't go away