Big changes

Sorry to hear that man. Unfortunately I don’t know what advice I could give. I’ve avoided marriage and kids so I’d never have to go through this. In this day and age it mostly seems a matter of “when” not “if” couples break up. Every relationship I’ve been in in the last few years I’m always just waiting for the end. Seems a fucked up way to go about it but almost all my friends that seemed to be in perfect relationships who I thought would be together forever, have all broken up, and usually completely out of the blue. There’s something different in today’s society where it’s ok to just give up and don’t bother trying to work on it. I bet marriage counselors are slow these days but divorce lawyers are booming. There’s some good videos I’ve seen by Gavin McInnes where he talks about the war on families and how all these women’s magazines Promote women being single, like it’s some kind of female empowerment. It’s ok to be a slut, don’t have kids get a dog, but then call your dog your kid and call yourself a “dog mom” shit like that.
I may have gone a little off topic.
Hope you find some peace man.
 
I've been through 4 longer term (3 - 12 years) relationships in my life. Because of my upbringing I do much better when I have a mate to come home to and work towards the future with. When the end comes it's like a shock and there really is no way of avoiding the pain, just distracting it for a while. Your world has been turned upside down. I have found it's helpful to try to maintain as much of a healthy lifestyle as you can. Make your self eat at scheduled times and if you cant eat force down a good shake. When your body doesn't have the necessary nutrition it needs everything else gets amplified, including the emotional pain. Train as often and as hard as you can. The endorphins will lift your mood and just as importantly you'll have a better chance of sleeping. Not enough sleep and it all gets amplified as well. Do not look at pictures of her, ever. If you like dogs and miss yours then get one, they are the best companions you can have and you'll have to worry about the care of something else that you will eventually love. Find things other than yourself to occupy your mind and energy.

I had a pretty rough upbringing as a kid and have suffered through periods of depression in my life. During one of those periods my grandfather came to me and said "I know that you are depressed, but to help with it you have to stay busy". My grandfather grew up through the great depression and his belief was that a man's worth was measured by how much work he did. Thus, I thought my grandfather's advice was nothing but an idea from a very different time, a time that had no application to my life. Since then I have come to realize how very right he was. I was just too consumed with my own suffering to acknowledge it. I'm not saying that you are going to fall into clinical depression, but you are going to suffer. To get past it you will need to feel it, but not all the time. As much as you don't want to because of how you feel, do something with your spare time. Sitting in front of a TV isn't doing something. Take up some kind of hobby or learn a skill. Archery, wood carving, renovate a room in your house, anything productive that makes you feel like you have accomplished something worthwhile. I'd also suggest that you use a heavy bag to release some of your emotion. Certain emotions create unpleasant chemical responses in the body which are burned up with striking and you will feel much more grounded and clear.

Some folks suggest finding someone for sex right away to help move on. I personally believe that you need to spend some time alone working on your own healing and not relying on others to give it to you. By all means when you feel comfortable doing so start dating again, though IMO the last thing that will really help is banging some one nighter or casual while you are so vulnerable. That one nighter/casual could become a crutch that ends up being a nightmare that turns you jaded for a long, long time.

You will get through this Brother. This to shall pass.
 
Thank you o much. I need to eat my meals again. No trouble sleeping..but a smoke problem now.
I don't think a one night stand would help. But may do it anyways, some young ditsy one. Good ideas on staying busy. My house is a wreck. I think I will fix everything up to sell. I may even get started at ju jitsu at 34
 
Cheapshot said:
I may even get started at ju jitsu at 34
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When I look back on my life as objectively as I can the years I spent in Jiu Jitsu were the best of my life. Mind you I was in the Dojo training and teaching 6 days a week so it essentially became my lifestyle, or code for living. Finding the right Dojo is important but when you do your life significantly changes for the better. If you have an inner warrior, you need to find it a home and outlet. If I can ever get my knee functional enough for it again I will go back, no matter my age.
 
Why did she get the dog?.Go to the pound and get one up for adoption is my advice.
 
Cheapshot said:
Thank you o much. I need to eat my meals again. No trouble sleeping..but a smoke problem now.
I don't think a one night stand would help. But may do it anyways, some young ditsy one. Good ideas on staying busy. My house is a wreck. I think I will fix everything up to sell. I may even get started at ju jitsu at 34
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Sorry man! Jiu jitsu is a great idea. Weights are fantastic solitary (meditation) time but what i love about jiu jitsu is that A. its really fun intense cardio B. while there you are waaaay too tired to think about anything and C. its great camaraderie...we spend tons of time after class just sitting on the mats being guys (same a beer league hockey, softball, etc). 34 is definetly not too old, you just got to be smart about it. I gave a black belt last year to a 55 year old that did not start training until 42.
 
Cheapshot said:
Well like many of you. My wife just left. We are moving her out today. Quite a change coming home to an empty house. She took the dog and all the furniture. So my living room will be converted to a gym. I just started a cycle and barely ate all week. Any advice or comments to help me through this would be great I know it happened to a lot of u guys
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A female point of view: she left you, not the other way around. Don't think it's your fault, move forward. Eat, train, work ... She didn't deserve you. Most women are bitches.
 
Well this sure doesnt get much easier. Im not training at all now. Barely eat all day and now im smoking the grass
 
@Cheapshot feel free to reach out to chat.

I’ve been through this twice and there is no easy way. Keeping busy is the best but don’t go and bang a random one right now. You are a bit broken and before you know it the rando will be moving in.

Get your feet under you and don’t worry about what your ex gets up to. Learn to live on your own for a while as it becomes very freeing.
 
Cheapshot said:
Well this sure doesnt get much easier. Im not training at all now. Barely eat all day and now im smoking the grass
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No it doesn't get easier as time goes on, it gets harder when the reality sets in day after day. She's not gone on a weekend trip to her parents, she's GONE from your life and she's feeling the same things you are, at least to some degree. This is why so many people, including myself in the past, get back together and continue on with their unsatisfying or possibly outright unhealthy relationships. Being with someone you're not happy with seems a lot less painful than the first while of not having them in your life at all.

You are going to suffer, no getting around it. However, you have the choice to suffer much more by giving up the things in life you love and sitting around smoking pot, or, you can suffer a bit less by forcing yourself to get to the gym and interact with others and the healthy energy in that environment (even if it's just a nod hello), by forcing yourself to renovate that room and feel like you've accomplished something, and by forcing yourself to eat or drink food. You need a little motivational lift then get some kratom and use it for a while. It certainly isn't as harmful as attempting to tune out with pot and you will want to get some useful things done.

Buy and read a book about getting through a relationship ending. I've never read one of those, but I'm sure they exist. The point is I've read a lot of books in my life and the majority of them have something useful to say that could change your perspective a bit, and help you with something, which in your case is the suffering. And yes it is suffering, let's call things for what they are. So you can suffer much more and come out the other side of this a half-broken man that will always carry a festering wound, or you can suffer a little less by forcing yourself to do some good productive things and come out the other side of this healthy and wiser with a only a healed scar to carry with you. You simply can't avoid the suffering, how you manage it for your future is up to you.
 
Thanks again guys.. just needed something to pick me up. Im just starting to realize its really over and we probably won't t be getting back together. I kept telling myself it would work out.. but I know it wont
 
Cheapshot said:
Thanks again guys.. just needed something to pick me up. Im just starting to realize its really over and we probably won't t be getting back together. I kept telling myself it would work out.. but I know it wont
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As @PdH has said. Don’t get back together if the relationship didn’t work. We have all been there at one time. Move on and live a productive life.
 
Myself when I broke up or got dumped by a girl I went out and found another. It still sucked, but having a distraction helps with the pain. Don’t use drugs or alcohol to get over it, that doesn’t work.
It like when one of my pets die, I go out and find one that looks similar to replace it, lol.

Actually don’t do what I do, pdh’s advice is a lot better, lol.
 
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