pet peeve of mine

[animal-inside]

Don’t blame you.

We don’t go to many social things anymore. Mainly its just us inviting over close family members and it is kept small. Its mainly for my wifes mom, she is in her 90’s and still in great shape, but at that age, you never know.

To be honest, most social events we attend now are purely for our kids.. I know our kids like social events and I don't want to be the reason they don't have them and I don't want to be the reason that they grow up to be me and not like being social either.

 

[animal-inside]

That's how it is for me, as soon as I quit drinking I stopped big social get together too. It's just no fun. I'm that guy who bugs family's members to train or have lifting contests on holidays. Or play football in the yard lol

When we go to social stuff, I'm generally the fully grown adult hanging out with the kids..

If there's a park around, I'll walk with the kids down to the park while the other adults stay.

I was the guy who took all the kids everday down to the beach while all the other adults drank by the camp fire when we went on a 5 family camping trip..

Kids are easier to get along with and I'm also the parent that worries something will happen to the kids if they go off on their own lol.. The kids we are around are about the age of my kids, which isn't old enough to be on their own imo

 

[animal-inside]

Speaking of funny you wrote this...

Had that same issue as long as I can remember. And I've been directly told it's my face or expression but being large just amplifies it. I couldn't begin to count the number of times that people have spent some time around me and then come to either me or my woman later and expressed surprise that I'm actually a very nice guy. Charming even

I wonder how many guys here "don't look friendly"


Fuck, I know right. You throw one guy out a 3rd floor window and onto the street and that shit follows you for years.

I really don't look a whole lot different than this fellow.. beard is shorter.. about it

 

[animal-inside]

Speaking of funny you wrote this...

Had that same issue as long as I can remember. And I've been directly told it's my face or expression but being large just amplifies it. I couldn't begin to count the number of times that people have spent some time around me and then come to either me or my woman later and expressed surprise that I'm actually a very nice guy. Charming even

I wonder how many guys here "don't look friendly"


Fuck, I know right. You throw one guy out a 3rd floor window and onto the street and that shit follows you for years.

It's human nature to determine a strangers "safeness" based on their appearance and actions.. so I actually sort of understand when I do the exact same thing as another guy, but I'm perceived a lot worse.. it's a natural instinct to judge a strangers safety based on appeaance and actions..


Sometime I don't mind my appearance being off putting to ppl either..
I have always told my wife "If I'm in a busy costco and someone can't find the peanut butter, I want them to look at me and think "that is the LAST person I'm going to ask where the peanut butter is"..

 

[animal-inside]

I don’t look friendly from across the room, but at 5’6” it’s not that scary, lol.

Truthfully because of years of customer service, I have a tendency to at least sorta smile when someone looks at me. With a horrible memory, I try to be friendly because with so many customers, I’m not sure if they are one or not, so out of default I smile.

I can’t tell you how many times out of work someone will say, “I love you shop” and I’m thinking, ‘I have no idea who you are’

Which is far better than my resting ‘I look like a dick’ face.

Now my grandsons friends used to be scared shitless of me. Not sure why, I’m always assing around making jokes.

Same with me at work,, It's funny how nearly everyone I know has a split personality and doesn't even know it.. your work and your home personalities are not the same..

 

[Sorbate]

It's human nature to determine a strangers "safeness" based on their appearance and actions.. so I actually sort of understand when I do the exact same thing as another guy, but I'm perceived a lot worse.. it's a natural instinct to judge a strangers safety based on appeaance and actions..


Sometime I don't mind my appearance being off putting to ppl either..
I have always told my wife "If I'm in a busy costco and someone can't find the peanut butter, I want them to look at me and think "that is the LAST person I'm going to ask where the peanut butter is"..

I can’t tell you how many times someone has asked me for help at Home Depot.
I guess I must look kinda friendly.

Mind you I don’t mind helping. I pretty much know the store off by heart.

Shit I’ve helped people load things like a tool box in their truck.

My wife gets help as well, but thats for a different reason, lol. I remember a couple years ago she was bragging about how this guy helped her put a glass table into the back of her jeep, then she bent over to help me take it out and I mentioned that he got handsomely paid for helping because I could see all the way to her belly button, lol.

I am pretty much the same all the time. Just at times I feel like I want to be left alone. I joke around and have fun at work as well. Too bad you were not closer, you could have taken that part time job to see, lol.

 

[Shrek]

Funny you wrote this..

In general this is what I do as well.... However, it hasn't worked out for me in some ways.. Not sure what you look like or the events you go to, but I don't look friendly.. It takes very little for me to be labelled jerk, asshole, cold, angry etc.. So when I just find a quiet spot, man ppl go right to talking about me behind my back lol... Sometimes it works out in my favour and we aren't invited to much stuff though lol..

I live in a small town so lots of gossip happens.. its terrible for it because everyone in this town was born and raised here and they are still stuck in their high school friend circles.. And just like highschool, they don't like outsiders.. I'm the outsider that moved here 15 years ago and to be honest when I got here I Was told by another outsider that I'll never be accepted by town ppl. They will respect me, be polite to me etc but I'll never be in the "circle".. I thought that was halarious because I've moved to a few small towns and got accepted by the locals, but here I am 15 years later and even married to a local girl for 15 years and yup, not in the circle.. IT doesnt' really bother me at all, but it used to irratate me how they are here.. I didnt' want or crave to be in the circle, but it used to irratate me how they can have that mentality..

Anyways, back to what I was talking about.... Ya I got a reputation as blunt, cold, angry, not friendly etc .. Anyone that knows me, knows that non of those are true.. but I got the repuation somehow..

I tried to explain it to my wife that I can do the exact same things as another guy, but when I do/say them, I'm viewed much worse because of how I look and I'm not local.. Took a bit, but my wife now sees it too..

A really good example is my daughter's teacher is a local girl aroudn my age.. she's married to her high school boy friend.. they all hangout in the same circle of friends etc.. She's a super nice lady, great teacher and my daughter loves her.. I' really like being involved in my kids lives as much as possible so I always go to their parent teacher interview.. Last week was my daughters.. I picked up my daughter and we went to her interiview.. We were the first ppl at the school and we were early, but her teacher dropped what she was doing to meet with us instead of making us wait.. Her teacher was super nervous, it was pretty obvious.. I am well spoken, polite etc.. I had no complaints about my daughters report card or progress and infact I just went to the interview to say thanks for making my daughter love math again and just being a great teacher to her.. After I said that the teacher admitted she asked my daughter earlier in the week if I was coming and my daughter said yes dad was coming and she was scared I was going to the interiew.. She admitted she was super nervous to meet with her etc.. Interview went great and then I took my daughter home... My wife knows the teachers at the school and when we were all home my wife said "your daughterss teacher was telling a couple other teachers in the staff room how nervous she was because I was going to the interview.. She said she was sweating before the interview"... I asked why would she be nervous, I've meet her a couple times in passing and she knows she's been great for our daughter.. my wife said "I dont know but apparently she heard you were not very friendly, short tempered and you don't like many peoppe"... Lol my wife laughed, but as I mentioend it doesn't take much for me to get a reputation... I've gone to some social events with my daughters teacher's friend group.. I thought everything went fine, but maybe being the guy sitting in the corner away from the big circle of people doesnt always make ya look very friendly.

This sums me up so accurately it's kind of spooky, and I can really relate on being an outcast in the neighborhood, which I couldn't care less. I only feel bad for my kids sometimes as they've been sad that we dont get invited to things that other families do after school or on weekends, and they know it's because of me, but they're old enough that we're past that now.

All their friends seem to really like me though and they all say I look like Bautista in Guardians of the Galaxy because of all my tattoos or The Rock (I'm not that big but I'll take the compliment) and so when they come over I teach them how to play GTA 5 because they're not allowed to play it and so if their parents are gonna hate me then teaching their kids how to go on a cop killing spree is the least I can do

 

[Sorbate]

This sums me up so accurately it's kind of spooky, and I can really relate on being an outcast in the neighborhood, which I couldn't care less. I only feel bad for my kids sometimes as they've been sad that we dont get invited to things that other families do after school or on weekends, and they know it's because of me.

All their kids seem to really like me though and they all say I look like Bautista in Guardians of the Galaxy because of all my tattoos or The Rock (I'm not that big but I'll take the compliment) and so when they come over I teach them how to play GTA 5 because they're not allowed to play it and so if their parents are gonna hate me then teaching their kids how to go on a cop killing spree is the least I can do

Or go beat on some hookers, lol.

 

[animal-inside]

I can’t tell you how many times someone has asked me for help at Home Depot.
I guess I must look kinda friendly.

Mind you I don’t mind helping. I pretty much know the store off by heart.

Shit I’ve helped people load things like a tool box in their truck.

My wife gets help as well, but thats for a different reason, lol. I remember a couple years ago she was bragging about how this guy helped her put a glass table into the back of her jeep, then she bent over to help me take it out and I mentioned that he got handsomely paid for helping because I could see all the way to her belly button, lol.

I am pretty much the same all the time. Just at times I feel like I want to be left alone. I joke around and have fun at work as well. Too bad you were not closer, you could have taken that part time job to see, lol.

Thats the funny thing about me, if someone actually asks for my help out in the public, I'm probably the most helpful person they'd come across lol..

 

[animal-inside]

This sums me up so accurately it's kind of spooky, and I can really relate on being an outcast in the neighborhood, which I couldn't care less. I only feel bad for my kids sometimes as they've been sad that we dont get invited to things that other families do after school or on weekends, and they know it's because of me, but they're old enough that we're past that now.

i never cared either until I had kids and it sometimes kills me that they don't get invited to stuff and I'm positive its my "coldness" and my reputation for not going to stuff..

My wife doesn't help either lol.. She's more likely to not go to stuff and not be social then me..

She's such an odd person... when I first meet her, I thought she was absolutely gorgous, but she came across as a complete stuck up bitch.. The day I meet her I had to do a 5 day proffesional developement with her and 20 other adults. She was the only one in the room who I didn't get to know because she was so standoffish.. just seemed like a bitch.. Infact we worked together, sometimes side by side, for over a year before she really said anything to me.. And then once we started talking things progressed very fast..

Then when I really got to know her, I figured out she has awful self confidence, she will not do social events unless she's had some drinks and she doesn't think she's good looking at all..

With all that low self confidence, she just comes across as a bitch.. she has a great resting bitch face and its not intentional lol.. She doesnt smile or talk to people in a social situation.. they only time she talks to people is if they go talk to her.. Unless you know her, it probably comes across as her being a very cold person.. Ppl that know her know she's not like that though.

All their friends seem to really like me though and they all say I look like Bautista in Guardians of the Galaxy because of all my tattoos or The Rock (I'm not that big but I'll take the compliment) and so when they come over I teach them how to play GTA 5 because they're not allowed to play it and so if their parents are gonna hate me then teaching their kids how to go on a cop killing spree is the least I can do

Kids at school call me "the rock" or "thanos"...

There's one more cartoon person they call me, but I forgot now..

Oh and I get "Mr. Clean" a lot too.

 

[animal-inside]

This sums me up so accurately it's kind of spooky, and I can really relate on being an outcast in the neighborhood, which I couldn't care less. I only feel bad for my kids sometimes as they've been sad that we dont get invited to things that other families do after school or on weekends, and they know it's because of me, but they're old enough that we're past that now.

What has been killing me last few years is my kids LOVE camping.. We camp 20-25 nights every summer.. There's a ton of people me and my wife's age who often group camp together because they all have kids the same age.. Its the same circle of friends that my daughters teacher hangs out with..

We dont' really get invited.. even though my wife went to high school with majority of them.. It's probably about 15 families who all have gone to school together since elementary..



We have gone on one joint trip with one other couple because their son is best friends with my son..

And we went with another bigger group of 3-4 famalies 2 other times..

I feel bad for my kids because they love those trips ...



Me and my wife don't like going to these.. infact my wife refuses to go on them until I tell her we should do it just for the kids..

Either way, my wife will drink the entire time to get through it.. I'll make some awkward convo with some ppl, but I can tell they arent comfortable with me..

On one of those trips, I tried hard to be social with people to the point I saw this other dad was really not talking to anyone.. he was super quiet, didn't leave his camper area much, he looked nervous, looked out of place etc.. He was the husband of a lady who was related to the person who organized the trip.. I figured he didnt' want to go too and wasn't feelign good.. so I went over and talked with him for awhile.. He seemed pretty awkward, but I chatted with him lots.. I think I lead the entire convo..

Anywyas, the next day I woke up and he left with his camper and family.. There was still 2 nights left in the trip.. I don't think I did anything wrong but he was spooked before I even talked to him..


Funny, I was a doormar for years an a bartender for a few more aftet that.. I learned to talk to anyone when I was a bartender.. IT's easy.. Just ask the person tons of questions about themsevles.. and the second you see them perk up about a topic, just keep asking them questions about that same topic.. people love to talk abotu themselves especially if you find their hobbies and what they think they are good at..

Bartending was one of those split personalities though.. as I said above, if its my job, I'm the most social person around.. but at home Im very different.

 

[animal-inside]

You know I've been thinking about the topic of this thread a lot...

I've been in this town for 16 years now.. I came when I was mid 20's....

When I moved here I had less patience, I was more forward/blunt, I didn't let anything go that I thought a man shouldn't... I wasn't a dick though..

But I did have 2 guys treat me in a way that I thought wasn't right in the first 2 years I moved here.. The two guys were different situations.. but I address them when I realized they were not being respectful towards me.. Nothing got physical, but I confronted each of them man to man and told them what I thought was fair. I know both of them never thought someone would confront them on their bullshit.. and both of them backed right down and to this day won't even look at me.. I truly thought those 2 conversations were between me and them..

Sometimes I wonder if those 2 guys shared with other ppl around town what I said to them.. Agian, nothing physical happened and I actually didnt want to confront either of them, but I had too much pride not too.. and I felt like as a man, I shouldn't let it go..

I've had a couple other less intense confrontations around town since then.. but again, I always thought those conversations were kept between me and the other person.. And to this day, every confrontation I have had with people around here I swear I was just putting someone in their place when they were treating me wrong.. I bascially told someone face to face how they were acting wasn't acceptable or how they had treated me was not going to be accepted. They weren't over petty things, stupid shit etc.. They were things that I feel everyone would agree with my actions.

I never really thought much about it, but I'm sure people could twist those handful of confronttions around to make me look quite badly if they really wanted too.. but on the other hand I would think those people would be more honest about me to avoid another confrontation like we had already..

I almost don't want to post this because I really don't think these things caused people to think I am someone I am not.. if anything if these confrontations came out I would actually think they would have helped my reputation be better as a stand up person who treats people respectfully.

Who knows....

 

[Sorbate]

You know I've been thinking about the topic of this thread a lot...

I've been in this town for 16 years now.. I came when I was mid 20's....

When I moved here I had less patience, I was more forward/blunt, I didn't let anything go that I thought a man shouldn't... I wasn't a dick though..

But I did have 2 guys treat me in a way that I thought wasn't right in the first 2 years I moved here.. The two guys were different situations.. but I address them when I realized they were not being respectful towards me.. Nothing got physical, but I confronted each of them man to man and told them what I thought was fair. I know both of them never thought someone would confront them on their bullshit.. and both of them backed right down and to this day won't even look at me.. I truly thought those 2 conversations were between me and them..

Sometimes I wonder if those 2 guys shared with other ppl around town what I said to them.. Agian, nothing physical happened and I actually didnt want to confront either of them, but I had too much pride not too.. and I felt like as a man, I shouldn't let it go..

I've had a couple other less intense confrontations around town since then.. but again, I always thought those conversations were kept between me and the other person.. And to this day, every confrontation I have had with people around here I swear I was just putting someone in their place when they were treating me wrong.. I bascially told someone face to face how they were acting wasn't acceptable or how they had treated me was not going to be accepted. They weren't over petty things, stupid shit etc.. They were things that I feel everyone would agree with my actions.

I never really thought much about it, but I'm sure people could twist those handful of confronttions around to make me look quite badly if they really wanted too.. but on the other hand I would think those people would be more honest about me to avoid another confrontation like we had already..

I almost don't want to post this because I really don't think these things caused people to think I am someone I am not.. if anything if these confrontations came out I would actually think they would have helped my reputation be better as a stand up person who treats people respectfully.

Who knows....

I wouldn't worry about it. Not everyone will like you and that is their loss.

Lots of people like me, ask me to do stuff and I just don't go. I think that may make me seem like an ass.

Thing is sometimes I really don't know what to say, I've been in work mode for so long, is all I really know.

Owning a business makes it tough also. I try to avoid hanging with customers because if you say the wrong thing it could damage your business.

 

[Shrek]

Who knows....

... who cares.

That's the motto I've been living with for as log as I can remember. If someone does not like me for whatever reason then my life will be better without them in it so it's a win no matter how you slice it.

I'm more of a solitary person by default anyway, which seems like a few of us here are. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the mood for a good steak with no side of chit chat so I'll go to a restaurant by myself and ask for a table in the back where I can sit with my back to the wall and I dine alone. You can really enjoy the flavor when no one is talking your ear off.

Oh and that camper guy that bailed on the trip definitely had other problems, I doubt it was you that made him leave, but if it was your fault somehow, fuck him, good riddance and good job!

The last camping trip I went on with other people was many years ago and I had a sawed off sxs shotgun in a yoga bag, bear protection, never leave home without it. Needless to say I didn't make any friends on that trip.