First of all if this is too much, too long, too personal or breaks any of the message board rules, please let me know so I can rectify this and hopefully share my story with my community of bodybuilding world. If anyone has any questions, please post them here so everyone can see the answers, I will post pictures along the way of my journey and detailed info on my diet once the show prep begins. Any changes to supplements will also be posted, I really hope someone gets something positive from this post, I know I could have used some assistance when I was going through the initial stages of my separation and mental illness struggles. So please let me know what you would like to know or me to talk about. Thank you very much in advance for every ones support.
I am not sure where to begin as last year and a half has been a roller coaster ride of mostly valleys and then deeper valleys. I want to open up as much as I can and make this as transparent story as I can with hopes that this motivates some people, to make positive changes in their life’s, or perhaps help them deal with adversity in their life. I hope someone gets something positive from my story and realizes that no matter how bad thigs might seem at the moment there is better time ahead and this to shell pass. My wife and I, ex-wife now, have had ups and downs in our relationship over number of years, we have separated4 or 5 times since 2015 with separations lasting anywhere from couple weeks to 3 months. We always found our way back together due to pure love, being together for a long time, 16 years married & 22 years together, having 3 wonderful kids together and simply being habitually together for a long long time. It all came to an end in August 2016. This was the last straw for both of us, at the time I was working at GM plant on night shift doing 60 hour weeks and almost never having time or energy for family events and activities. I would finish work at 7:30 am on Saturday having to go back for 6:30pm Sunday, that’s less than 35 hours of free time to try catch up on sleep, spend time with my wife and of course family time with my wonderful 3 daughters. My wife and me never slept together and were always away from each other, parenting our kids but never spending any time together. As time progressed we grew further and further apart and at some point realizing that we have become strangers. We argued a lot about everything and anything and the relationship got worst and worst. In late august we hit the new rock bottom, I was asked to remove myself from our house and I did so to spare my kids from this negative environment we were creating through our everyday arguments and progressively worst and worst family life.
I left the house with 7.00 in my pocket and no access to any money as my pay-cheques were being deposited to my wife’s account. I slept in my car, showered at a local truck stop, lived on 20 pack of Burger King chicken nuggets. Life was tough I was unable to see my kids as the ex would not permit it and the cops wanted to stay away from this and were unhelpful to say the least. The following action was the next step that spiraled my life out of control for the next unforeseen while. My wife called local Police informing them I was omitting suicide, while I was not, I was on a way to visit my parents and let them know what was going on as at this point they were unaware of any of this. I was forcefully detained by 5 police officers jumping on me and placing me in handcuffs, all of this under the mental health act. They placed me in a Mental Health unit at a local hospital and I was there for 8 days before my parents were finally able to get me out of there through some legal action and layers assistance. She managed to make that same call 2 more times getting me detained each time and eventually resulting in my loss of employment which further complicated my life. From this point on my life fell apart and each time I thought I hit rock bottom, I seemed to find a shovel and dig a deeper hole.
On September 10th we signed a separation agreement and we were now officially done. By October 10th she had another guy move into what I still considered my house, 2 weeks after that she was pregnant with what would become her 4th child. Life kicked me in the balls by making it a boy, as we have 3 daughters and have been trying for a boy for a long time. Do not get me wrong here I love my 3 daughters and would not change it for anything. I continued dealing with depression, addiction, suicidal tendencies and self-destructive behavior which took over my life and nearly killed me number of times over the next 6 months. I stopped working out, eating, all I did was drink, drugs and sleep. This continued on for what seemed like forever, each cop in town new me by my first name, I was in contact with local police more than dozen times which is 12 times more than I have over my entire existence in Canada. I was attending court for family related matters every 2-3 weeks, my ex sold my furniture, laid bogus charges, I lost a car due to repossession, totaled another car in an accident that should have taken my life, I was unemployed with no path pointing at anything other than early death. I was too depressed to live but too afraid to kill myself. I did not know how to get out of this negative spiral, I lost most of my friends, created many enemies, burned bridges and was self-destructing my life more and more every day.
In November 2016 I had enough after over dosing twice in one day, being on a brink of bankruptcy, not having a job, car, savings enough was enough, I went into detox and prayed for a glimmer of light to shine my way. Things got better, not good but better, at least I had hope for better life. I was able to finally see my kids, supervised visits but that was much better than the alternative which was I couldn’t see them at all. I started making baby steps at bettering myself and instead of blaming life and everything in it for my lack of success; I took responsibility for my actions and decided to work on becoming a better person. Over the next months I slipped up number of time, relapsed but each time I was able to refocus my energy and kept moving forward. Over time I secured new employment, got all my legal issues behind me with no ramifications or charges laid, regained trust with my parents and started a new relationship with them. I still had few friends that stuck by my side through the difficult time I dealt with and where here continuing to support me.
I was able to clean up my life stopped drinking, drugs and self-destruction, became more positive in general sense started doing some volunteering work, making small goals and completing them gave me direction and self-worth that I have been lacking over the last year and a half. There was only one thing lacking in my life at this point and that’s structure of bodybuilding life that I have enjoyed for over 25 years. At the beginning of 2019 I set a goal to set a foot on bodybuilding stage one more time, and the time was now. I started doing body weight exercises at home and gradually started reshaping my body. In February I picked a show, the date is May 18th and I cannot wait to prove to myself that I have what it takes to once again do what I love, bodybuilding. I started rebuilding my physique and have 6 weeks to bulk up which in turn will allow me 12 weeks to lean out. This will be my 8th show and first show in over 15 years. Now that we are past the personal challenges I have faced lets get to the meat and potatoes of my plan.
I am not sure where to begin as last year and a half has been a roller coaster ride of mostly valleys and then deeper valleys. I want to open up as much as I can and make this as transparent story as I can with hopes that this motivates some people, to make positive changes in their life’s, or perhaps help them deal with adversity in their life. I hope someone gets something positive from my story and realizes that no matter how bad thigs might seem at the moment there is better time ahead and this to shell pass. My wife and I, ex-wife now, have had ups and downs in our relationship over number of years, we have separated4 or 5 times since 2015 with separations lasting anywhere from couple weeks to 3 months. We always found our way back together due to pure love, being together for a long time, 16 years married & 22 years together, having 3 wonderful kids together and simply being habitually together for a long long time. It all came to an end in August 2016. This was the last straw for both of us, at the time I was working at GM plant on night shift doing 60 hour weeks and almost never having time or energy for family events and activities. I would finish work at 7:30 am on Saturday having to go back for 6:30pm Sunday, that’s less than 35 hours of free time to try catch up on sleep, spend time with my wife and of course family time with my wonderful 3 daughters. My wife and me never slept together and were always away from each other, parenting our kids but never spending any time together. As time progressed we grew further and further apart and at some point realizing that we have become strangers. We argued a lot about everything and anything and the relationship got worst and worst. In late august we hit the new rock bottom, I was asked to remove myself from our house and I did so to spare my kids from this negative environment we were creating through our everyday arguments and progressively worst and worst family life.
I left the house with 7.00 in my pocket and no access to any money as my pay-cheques were being deposited to my wife’s account. I slept in my car, showered at a local truck stop, lived on 20 pack of Burger King chicken nuggets. Life was tough I was unable to see my kids as the ex would not permit it and the cops wanted to stay away from this and were unhelpful to say the least. The following action was the next step that spiraled my life out of control for the next unforeseen while. My wife called local Police informing them I was omitting suicide, while I was not, I was on a way to visit my parents and let them know what was going on as at this point they were unaware of any of this. I was forcefully detained by 5 police officers jumping on me and placing me in handcuffs, all of this under the mental health act. They placed me in a Mental Health unit at a local hospital and I was there for 8 days before my parents were finally able to get me out of there through some legal action and layers assistance. She managed to make that same call 2 more times getting me detained each time and eventually resulting in my loss of employment which further complicated my life. From this point on my life fell apart and each time I thought I hit rock bottom, I seemed to find a shovel and dig a deeper hole.
On September 10th we signed a separation agreement and we were now officially done. By October 10th she had another guy move into what I still considered my house, 2 weeks after that she was pregnant with what would become her 4th child. Life kicked me in the balls by making it a boy, as we have 3 daughters and have been trying for a boy for a long time. Do not get me wrong here I love my 3 daughters and would not change it for anything. I continued dealing with depression, addiction, suicidal tendencies and self-destructive behavior which took over my life and nearly killed me number of times over the next 6 months. I stopped working out, eating, all I did was drink, drugs and sleep. This continued on for what seemed like forever, each cop in town new me by my first name, I was in contact with local police more than dozen times which is 12 times more than I have over my entire existence in Canada. I was attending court for family related matters every 2-3 weeks, my ex sold my furniture, laid bogus charges, I lost a car due to repossession, totaled another car in an accident that should have taken my life, I was unemployed with no path pointing at anything other than early death. I was too depressed to live but too afraid to kill myself. I did not know how to get out of this negative spiral, I lost most of my friends, created many enemies, burned bridges and was self-destructing my life more and more every day.
In November 2016 I had enough after over dosing twice in one day, being on a brink of bankruptcy, not having a job, car, savings enough was enough, I went into detox and prayed for a glimmer of light to shine my way. Things got better, not good but better, at least I had hope for better life. I was able to finally see my kids, supervised visits but that was much better than the alternative which was I couldn’t see them at all. I started making baby steps at bettering myself and instead of blaming life and everything in it for my lack of success; I took responsibility for my actions and decided to work on becoming a better person. Over the next months I slipped up number of time, relapsed but each time I was able to refocus my energy and kept moving forward. Over time I secured new employment, got all my legal issues behind me with no ramifications or charges laid, regained trust with my parents and started a new relationship with them. I still had few friends that stuck by my side through the difficult time I dealt with and where here continuing to support me.
I was able to clean up my life stopped drinking, drugs and self-destruction, became more positive in general sense started doing some volunteering work, making small goals and completing them gave me direction and self-worth that I have been lacking over the last year and a half. There was only one thing lacking in my life at this point and that’s structure of bodybuilding life that I have enjoyed for over 25 years. At the beginning of 2019 I set a goal to set a foot on bodybuilding stage one more time, and the time was now. I started doing body weight exercises at home and gradually started reshaping my body. In February I picked a show, the date is May 18th and I cannot wait to prove to myself that I have what it takes to once again do what I love, bodybuilding. I started rebuilding my physique and have 6 weeks to bulk up which in turn will allow me 12 weeks to lean out. This will be my 8th show and first show in over 15 years. Now that we are past the personal challenges I have faced lets get to the meat and potatoes of my plan.
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