Ever just had enough

I got pricked by a rose thorn yesterday, Fuck!!!
Suck it up butter cup!


And I'm with you sorb. I feel like I just get going and then, get knocked back down... Except, I'm a stubborn german and figure a way to work around my moments.
 
Here is my list

Broken nose a few times.
Dislocated shoulder
2012 diagnosed with enlarged heart. told to make my will, was upgraded to pending heart failure. told first sign of heart pain sit down and call or have someone call 911
polyps on my lungs. cause me a lot of breathing problems
polyps in my nose. makes me snore lol
4 cancer scares so far.
2 strokes
broken elbow fell off a barn. Went into surgery told I was going to lose my arm. 6 hours latter it was still there. darn good doctor cleaned it up and saved it.
broken fingers and toes a few times
fractured hip from the barn fall. shows up on xrays as still a fracture. causes me pain and difficulty sleeping at night.
tore up my knee something awful. have had a few surgeries so far. they are waiting until it gets real bad and then will give me an artificial knee
few other things but being old they slip my mind lol
 

There is a lot more than those, Sorby. Each injury had me re-thinking why I was training if all I seemed to do was hurt myself. The nasty self-doubts and self-recriminations can get to you more than the physical injury. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but while in the tunnel you are going to get banged up a little bit more. Once through the tunnel, your resiliency will be harder than it is now and you are pretty resilient as is. Take your time and be careful.
 
I got pricked by a rose thorn yesterday, Fuck!!!
I was trimming this bush, more like a tree thing in my back yard last year, flowing out of the neighbors over my fence, and when I went to grab the branch while cutting it I realized the fucking thing was covered in huge thick very strong thorns. I was pissed, went into the garage and sprayed the part over my fence with weed kill. Fuck you tree.
 
@Sorbate I feel you. Every morning when I wake up and can’t walk due to foot pain from years of work boots, or stand up straight for a bit as I get out of a chair due to back and knees.

I spoke to my dr and he said if I didn’t have any aches in pains he be worried, or that I was a chronic pot smoker.
 
I was trimming this bush, more like a tree thing in my back yard last year, flowing out of the neighbors over my fence, and when I went to grab the branch while cutting it I realized the fucking thing was covered in huge thick very strong thorns. I was pissed, went into the garage and sprayed the part over my fence with weed kill. Fuck you tree.

I may have drilled holes in my neighbours tree once and filled the holes with round-up. Worked like a charm. Just drill the holes on a downward angle. 😁
 
@Sorbate I feel you. Every morning when I wake up and can’t walk due to foot pain from years of work boots, or stand up straight for a bit as I get out of a chair due to back and knees.

I spoke to my dr and he said if I didn’t have any aches in pains he be worried, or that I was a chronic pot smoker.
Planter fascitiitis(sp) I bet you have.
I need to stretch a bit forward when I stand up at first as well. As I loosen my hips and stretch out my hamstrings it’s slowly getting better.
 
I may have drilled holes in my neighbours tree once and filled the holes with round-up. Worked like a charm. Just drill the holes on a downward angle. 😁

I’ve done that as well. My neighbour to my left is the worst. His back yard is a jungle, cats gotten ticks from over there, yes we are in the city on a 60x120 lot.
Anyhow the huge oak tree spewed out seeds and one caught root between his house and mine, right up against the fence. But the end of the summer is was 12’ tall. I walked into his yard, sawed it down, drilled the roots and filled them full of weed kill. It didn’t kill it, but when it started to regrow at least he took care of it. Would have been a nightmare between our houses in a couple of years. I’m constantly clearing out shit from his yard, branches fall down on the fence he leaves them and so on.
The neighbour on the other side isn’t much better. His parents planted trees with a 20’ canopy right against the fence. Those died for some reason, lol. He has a hedge on his yard up against mine he never trims that I now take care off because it was growing wildly all over the place. I watched the land reclaim a trampoline in his back yard, it slowly dissolved as it sunk into the ground.
I just don’t understand why you buy an older house if you can’t take care of it. These things are constant maintenance until you get them pretty much rebuilt.
 
Sorbate, you are one of the most geneuine people out there with a kind heart and good intentions for everyone. I truly hope you reach the light at the end of the tunnel as Bagua had given a great analogy.

Around grade 2, carbon monoxide poisoning and just over two weeks ago, a stroke. The 20+ years in between, a constant struggle to survive, take care of the family, and achieve certain goals, which all resulted in me being so fed up of life and everything and the betrayal from friends, relationships, employers, and to this day even some professors who I looked up to and got used like a naïve idiot. All of this made me feel.... I seriously cannot find the words to describe, but just tired, so damn tired.

Not only physical, but the mental struggle.
The mental struggle brought on by the physical. The deteriorating physical condition(s) due to my mental state not accepting regression and forcing myself to push past it but only to find myself at a worsened state. It will be a never ending cycle unless we all realize that a healthy body equals a healthy mind and vice-versa.

The resilience of all the individuals on this board sets a great example and you are one of the people I look up to. Give yourself the proper time to rest and the professional help needed without being impatient for results.

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.

So day by day think and imagine how much improvement you will make and never forget that your best days are ahead of you.

Just keep being positive and being yourself, the universe always has a way of course correcting. This is what I think of and surprisingly, it helps me stay focused and calm and not angry (not at the world or people, but at myself).
 
This board is indexed by google, sadly, so I can't divulge too far. But I've never really dealt with loss like I've had to in the last 2 years. I've lost just about everything I once cared about, save for a single family member. From losing a father/best friend (and by that extension, the best job of my career due to taking care of the family estate), to my absolute best friend (a Parrot, but he was my "mate," and planned to me by bestie for the next 30 years) to a serious relationship with some even more serious legal repercussions. I've lost friends to IV opiates, grandparents, Important irreplaceable documents. etc.

Add in a very expensive legal case, with serious potential repercussions. Just... Things can get shitty fast.

But I've managed to stay in good spirits. I've made new friends. Forged new alliances. Renovated my house, in ways that I've always wanted to. Stopped drinking. Added 100lbs to my lifts, dropped 20lbs of body fat. Treated myself to new hobbies.

Life is a roller coaster. I've always said the grass is always greener. Choose a side of the fence and BUILD A BRICK WALL. You can look back at jobs, relationships, health issues etc. Through the right colour (rosey) glasses, things aren't always bad... But they probably were. Choose the side you're on NOW. Don't give up. NEVER give up. MAKE yourself happy. THIS is the side of the fence you WANT and NEED to be on. Playing both sides in your mind will tear you apart. So fuck it. Tear life apart.
 
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Here’s another way I wrap my head around tough times and I’ve had many

1) I tell me there isn’t a hard time invented that I cannot handle. Repeat it and believe it.

When I worked on drilling rigs, a lot of times I was beat up, hadn’t been home in 1-2 months. Cold, wet, sore etc
I’d think to myself.....I only have to do 12 hours. Then I can have a hot shower and be fed all the food I want at camp. My perceived tough time pales in comparison to what men and woman endured in WWI and WWII
I have way better clothing, I’m fed, I’m not being shot at or bombed or gassed. I can get 8 hrs sleep, I have food shower a bed and hot coffee in the am. What I think is hard would have been a vacation to those vets

Perception is everything
 
20 years back was a low time for me. I had a then wife that was a nut bar and off work on yet another unpaid sick leave. I had two young babies that needed looking after and she was not able to do it. So lots of bills and little income. I had a job offer come to me for 3 months. I would work my regular job 7 until 3pm and then go to job 2 from 3:30 to 11pm. then home to be up with the kids at night. Up with them in the morning to take them to the babysitters and so on and so on. That 3 months got extended and extended. I am so tired from lack of sleep. One day I just felt like giving up. I could not take it. Then as I leave my first job I see a lady crossing the street pushing a broken down stroller. The lady has no coat on and its the late fall. The kid is wrapped in a blanket and you could see the child was also freezing. Looking at that I knew if I quit that would happen to my kids. I stood taller and resolved to just keep going. I did that for a year. Doing that managed to keep the lights on and to keep my house. My children never suffered. From this I learned I was as strong as the will I had to look after my children. And that will cannot be broken. It bent for a few seconds but never broke :)
 
20 years back was a low time for me. I had a then wife that was a nut bar and off work on yet another unpaid sick leave. I had two young babies that needed looking after and she was not able to do it. So lots of bills and little income. I had a job offer come to me for 3 months. I would work my regular job 7 until 3pm and then go to job 2 from 3:30 to 11pm. then home to be up with the kids at night. Up with them in the morning to take them to the babysitters and so on and so on. That 3 months got extended and extended. I am so tired from lack of sleep. One day I just felt like giving up. I could not take it. Then as I leave my first job I see a lady crossing the street pushing a broken down stroller. The lady has no coat on and its the late fall. The kid is wrapped in a blanket and you could see the child was also freezing. Looking at that I knew if I quit that would happen to my kids. I stood taller and resolved to just keep going. I did that for a year. Doing that managed to keep the lights on and to keep my house. My children never suffered. From this I learned I was as strong as the will I had to look after my children. And that will cannot be broken. It bent for a few seconds but never broke :)


Awesome!
 
I sometimes feel like I am in a bad movie. I have had one injury after another. I am finally healed up after a little over a year. I had some big unexpected expenses come up, but I should be fine in a few months.

My wife is like a roller coaster, some days are great others are bad, I don’t know what to expect day by day. We have three kids so I know I will be fucked if we divorce. I tried to vent to a couple of female friends of mine about this. One is now flirting with me hard all the time. Not sure if it’s a game, and the other is telling me I could do better, and wants to hook me up either with her sister or her friends. This isn’t the help I was looking for.

Last year I was having some pretty bad anxiety attacks. Now I think I went to far the other way. I have been acting more self destructive than usual. I don’t particularly feel depressed. I feel a whole lot of nothing. I have had to talk myself out of a lot of bad decisions recently that I almost did on impulse.

Like you I personally don’t feel like killing myself nor do I think I would, but if someone put a gun to my head right now I would probably just laugh and say “finally I can get some sleep” lol
 
Last year I was having some pretty bad anxiety attacks. Now I think I went to far the other way. I have been acting more self destructive than usual. I don’t particularly feel depressed. I feel a whole lot of nothing. I have had to talk myself out of a lot of bad decisions recently that I almost did on impulse.

You sound depersonalized if the movie thing is an accurate description. Don't abuse alcohol or drugs right now, and see if you re-personalize. A few years ago, I shredded the entire end of my left index finger in a wood router. I was on opiates for 9 months, had 4 surgeries, had to stop lifting (I used straps for the first and only time ever) and being on Hydromorphone (I would shoot it to keep my dosages low, I'm a T1 diabetic so I don't mind adding a bit of anything to my insulin shots, as meh, I take them all day) made me so numb and just... Well, self destructive.

I drank, took other drugs, partied way too hard, slept with good friend's girlfriends, even wrote my MCAT high as a kite. Admittedly, I had fun, but I didn't feel like a human. I'd walk somewhere, get there, and forget the span of time between my front door and my current destination. Completely depersonalized. Shit was so fucked up.
 
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